September 7th, 2005

fedora 蓝色小药丸

Hi, It's evening

They have spoken over 1 hour English today. I didn't go to the English corner last week, because Helen wasn't there. She was on the train at that time, possibly. I don't know why she went back home for only 2 days, and she didn't appear any change... maybe because she is an HR, maybe I just havn't seen her for a long time, maybe I'm just so careless. Today's English corner, very interesting, they'are talking about the coming holiday: China's National Day. And the old sister Betty is not there. She's always  destroying the party by push everyone forward to the next section, the next, the end. But why didn't I go there and try to talk about something?

Maybe I'm too tired. Last night I was very tired, too. So I didn't take a shower, I didn't wash the clothes, I didn't read the C++ books... I got to bed too early. It might because I have a stronger physical strength change in the biologic period... (Crying...can anyone help me with my vocabulary?) When I get too tired, I refuse to talk, I refuse to listen, I just want to have a sleep, until I feel better.

Something about my favourite lily BBS. On the Forum board, some people are debating about freedom vs democracy. I think what they are talking about is totally nonsense... Nobody knows how much freedom is enough, and how much is too less. No. I only care about this, since English corner is too naive to me. But I cannot join their debate, I don't know what I need. Maybe I need a better job? If I were a police then I would not be afraid about the power vs rights problem. But in another law case, a police is killed because he is not as powerful as the one who killed him. What I'm thinking about is totally nonsense, too. I'm just dreaming everyday. In the morning when I woke up, I was surprised about my dreams. I dreamed her, Lee, Z,  as a queen, and we cured and saved a big world. A big beautiful world where there is green leaves, sunshine and peaceful, and her smile. But I cannot remember how the world was before the magic saving. Maybe there was some plants growing too fast and covered the sky. No reason to clean them out, they also have the right to live on, but I just don't like something over too big... Just an silly Human being, with nothing else :(

She mentioned frjj in her blog. So did nq, and nq seemed a bit mad about frjj. If you are a man, remember: never appear cynical to girls, that would mark yourself a loser. (Crying...how should I say this??) About frjj, yes, I have no idea. I don't understand her, nor do I care. The public may be right, they said that frjj is too narcissistic. According to Jo, when I'm writing my diary online, I'm a narcissism too. If in a exam you must talk about something you don't care about at all, f* the f*ing exam!

I have to admit that even though I said I don't want to care about so many things, I have cared too much, I havn't finish my work, I have to read the books. I fill guilty about myself. Byebye.